I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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