I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
