I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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