so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
