dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
