I'm lost and stupid without you.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Damn victory sex feels great
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
