1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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