No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
3 2 1 whiskey
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
