now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
my poor anus
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
