You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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