she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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