Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
