i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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