they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
