I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
