I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
