So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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