Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Found the puke drawer
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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