he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
