Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
