I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
