i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
the gays at disneyland are vicious
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
