Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
