Ambien. No doubt about it.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
