420 ftw
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
