I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
