I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
