i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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