On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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