shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
