i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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