Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
