just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
