i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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