First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
