I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
