My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
