And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We were destined to go to rehab together
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
