It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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