1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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