drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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