i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
