So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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