margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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