We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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