you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
