I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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