Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
