I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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