make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
