I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
