Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
