My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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