It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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